hello, stranger.

Goodnight day. Hello night. 

I've got an hour to kill. 

Sunflowers in my face. 

And the Rob Pattinson Pandora station. 

Let's go!

Hello blog, 

it's been a while.

For those of you stalker people who have been inquiring as to why I deleted all of my posts on my blog here's the explanation: I found out that my blog was on one of the press clippings for work. When I found out that someone from work was reading what I wrote I freaked out and deleted everything. Over reaction, I know. I'll never get those lovely blogs back. *TEAR* Buuut it's alright. We just move on.

I'm still having my blueberry nights here in NYC. (I'm light-weight upset that I deleted that entry. I liked that one a lot)  The insecurities got really intense during the last month. Hm. I always seem to have shitty birthdays... turning 21 was no exception. But I learned the beauty of a birth-week and made the most of August 3-8th!  What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? And I'm certainly not dead.  

Last month I was all in an upset because of my [still] injured back. I was told that it'll always be hurting in some way or another and that I need to make the most of it... and consider not being a full-time professional dancer.  It's difficult to have your dream tarnished.  I tried to be positive and keep on keeping on but the pain always came back... so at the end of the month I decided that I'm really going to take a few weeks off intensively dancing. I'm still in this dance vacation.  But it doesn't suck as much as I thought it would because I'm getting back to things I loved before I started dancing.  (err... for those of you who don't know I began about 3.5 years ago) I go to concerts, art museums, shows, gardens, eating at amazing restaurants, the public library (oh geeee, I can't tell you enough how much I love libraries), and happy hour with friends.  Okay, since my birthday I'm discovering how much I love happy hour so that qualifies as a new love.  This New York life isn't all that bad. But I know that I don't quite belong here. These city lights are just a distraction.

I'm surprised that I am not taking the upset more seriously.  I excel at masochism.  But something else is telling me that I'm supposed to do more. Alright, by "something" I really mean my spirit is telling me this.  Or, at least, something in my spirit. It's my soul. My soul is telling me.  I wish I could explain it to you. I know that I can't. It just is. And I'm pretty appreciative.

I'm so glad that I'm reading again.  My mother raised me in libraries, I'd finish books in a day and then get excited to begin another story right away.  (In fact, one of the reasons why Beauty and the Beast is my favorite movie is because Beast gave Belle an incredibly ridiculous library. Plus, and I identify with Belle more so than any other story figure I watched/read/heard about. Oh, and I love chip.)  It was really the only escape I had from myself and the life that my parents predetermined for me.  Somewhere when college started I stopped reading and lost a lot of myself... As many of us do, I'm sure. I became a language studies major because I wanted to translate books.  The linguistics aspect seemed pointless and that was all I was doing so I stopped.  During the time that I stopped, these 3.5 years, I began dancing.  And it was wonderful. Literature people tend to be so... stuck up. Or maybe it was just me. I knew that I was a snob and I was so proud of it.  Oye.  Once I got into Community Studies, performance and dance I met angels. I learned the importance of being humble, staying rooted, and doing things with purpose.  When I started reading again I realized that there were times when I wish that I remained a language studies major so that I would have a set career path.  I have no idea what direction I'm going in, but it's alright.  I gave myself the opportunity to be amongst angels (in Santa Cruz and NYC) and learned how to be rooted in the same tree of knowledge. 

There's a proverb, "All roads lead to Rome," and this is mine.